He is risen?

Fairly subdued day, today. The kids hunted Easter eggs in the very wet grass, ate tons of Peeps, Jelly Belly jelly beans, and candy eggs. I didn't really buy any chocolate this year except for the chocolate bunny awarded to Brighid for finding the most eggs. Weyland selected the peanut butter bunny as his reward for finding the prize egg. We didn't have anything special for breakfast, but might cook the ham or the lasagne currently in the freezer for dinner. For lunch, Logan made me a baked potato.

I'm just not in the mood to do much of anything. My ideal Easter breakfast is Eggs Benedict made with shirred eggs rather than poached eggs (The sight of cooked egg white makes me ill.), strawberry shortcake with fresh strawberries and homemade whipped cream, and Lady Grey tea with cream. Dinner should be ham baked with pineapples and maraschino cherries, roasted new potatoes, and asparagus with real butter melted on top. Homemade wheat rolls and sweet tea or a nice Riesling or Pinot Grigio, maybe even a Pinot Noir round out the meal.

Since we didn't have a sit down meal (at least not yet, anyway), the typical prayer didn't get said. I've been reflecting on how my mother would always try to make it to the sunrise Easter service, yet her whole life, she was so conflicted about religion. She was a Baptist, converted to Catholicism at the age of 9 on her own (Her parents remained Baptists.), entered a convent as a postulant at the age of 11, came home around 14 or so because, as she always said, she "could do the poverty and the chasity, but not the obedience." Later, she dabbled in Eastern religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism, Hare Krishna-ism (What do they call themselves, Krishnaites? Krishners? I dunno....), and later even Wiccan beliefs. But she ended up back in the Catholic church, which is the first church she consciously attended.

It's days like this that I feel a mournful sort of loss for my mother. In many regards, I looked to her for my spiritual bearings in that I believe one should continue to strive throughout one's life, the way she did, for truth and understanding. I certainly don't believe in the literal translation of the bible, nor do I think the Pope is infallible. But I do believe Jesus was a real person, a teacher, a prophet perhaps, and definitely a person worthy of study.

That Jesus can be an inspiration to many is compelling. Even though the jury is still out, in my estimation, as to whether or not he was truly a miraculous figure, I do find inspiration in some passages of the New Testament. Unschooled that I am in the more scholarly aspects of religion, I still think it's worth the effort to learn what I can about the religion in which I have been raised. I read things like the Book of Thomas the Contender from the Nag Hammadi texts, and have to wonder if perhaps Jesus was married and having troubles with his wife (most likely Mary Magdalene).

But this discussion tires me, and makes me sad, as it makes me think about Mommy. Maybe that's the problem I have with any organized religion, it makes me think of her. I was taught that no matter what, God loves us, and that Christ is the expression of that love. I can only hope it's true.