I don't really feel like writing today, but it's almost the end of the month, so I figure I should say something.
Logan's 53rd birthday is a week from today, and I haven't a clue what to get him. I'm kinda pissed at him right now, so I'm not much inspired. He says he's going up to Olney for the opening of dove hunting season (Sept. 1st, Thursday), and that leaves me and the kids high and dry with no wheels. No way to get to school or work. No one to watch Weyland until Brighid gets home. It's looking more and more like I'm going to have to take vacation time just to sit at home and cool my heels.
I can't think of anything else to say right now, so more later.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Binge and Purge
It's lovely to sleep until having to pee wakes you. I slept through the night with no weird dreams like I had when doped up following my surgery. (One memorable dream involved me and Weyland moving back to my childhood home with the wonderful closet in which I used to play as a child. You'd open the door to find two metal bars double hung on either side of you rather than in front, and these bars made excellent rungs for pretending to be a gymnast or a trapeeze artist. Anyway, the house, which was built in the 40's, is no longer standing, having been burnt to the ground by my ex-finace who killed my parents and one of my sisters.) I woke up with my CPAP mask still on, which is good because earlier in the week, I'd been pulling it off in the night due to my nose getting stuffy when lying down. Wednesday at work, I began sneezing. I used up what must have been half a box of kleenex. My eyes were watering, my nose was itching. I attribute it to the high fungus count in the air due to recent rain or to the annoying sprinkler malfunction in my boss' office.
Wednesday, a milky white liquid (fire retardant?) started dripping from the sprinkler heads in Pete's office. It smelled horrible. Unfortunately, it occurred around 4:30 p.m., so that by the time Rita Frost, our extraordinarily tanned Accounting Director, came across the hall to find out what the bad smell was, it was already almost time to leave when she asked us why we hadn't left. At that point, what was the point? I had already called Logan to come get me, and short of calling him on his cell and yelling, "drive faster!", I didn't see a reason to quit working. I might as well finish what I had laid out to do until 4:55 p.m.
I started writing the above on Saturday, but got distracted and didn't finish. Here it is Monday, and I'm here at work with not much more accomplished.
The reason this entry is entitled "Binge and Purge" is because that's what I've been doing lately. I binged on honeydew melon Saturday morning. It was wonderful, too juicy, and very sweet. I ate enough that I don't want anymore for a while, and there was still enough left for Brighid and Logan. It was a big honeydew melon. I've been cleaning my room, sweeping under everything, going through boxes, cleaning out nooks and crevices, packing things to store out of the way. I'm being unmerciful in what I purge. If it's broken and I can't fix it with a minimal of effort, I toss it. I have a stack of mending I've decided to get done this week or make into rags by next weekend.
I've been binging on movies lately, renting several at a time, getting caught up on culture, such as it is. I saw the very good "Being Julia" this weekend, along with the so-so "Ladder 49", which Logan liked. We also watched "The Snow Walker", which must have been a direct-to-video production because I don't recall it being publicized. It was a nice movie, but nothing to write home about. Then Brighid and I watched the latest incarnation of "Phantom of the Opera", which Brighid disliked for all the singing -- despite me telling her it was a musical! Yesterday, I caught the last hour or so of "Beyond Borders", which was passing fair. Last night, I watched "Cold Mountain" again, though I don't know why except that I was having trouble falling asleep.
It made me wonder how many times women actually get pregnant the first time they have sex. This seems to be a common plot twist in romance stories, and it did happen to me with Wesley's father and again later with someone with which I had a one-night stand. (Mike, I think his name was -- I met him at a club, he tried hitting on my friend first, so I guess I was better than going home and resorting to self-abuse. I ended up having an abortion because I just couldn't go through giving a child up for adoption again. Having to give up Wesley was just too fresh and painful. I couldn't see anyway that I could keep the child, so made what has turned out to be, at least for me, far less painful mentally than placing a child for adoption was.) Wow, what a tangent. I didn't really mean to go there. But, what the hell. So out of 5 pregnancies, I've gotten pregnant twice on the first time I had sex with the father. 2/5 = 40%. Ack. Maybe it's not such a far-fetched notion, after all.
Speaking of purging, I never had morning sickness until I carried Logan's babies. There are all kinds of theories about why women have morning sickness and what causes it. I like the one that says morning sickness forces women to eat a bland diet so as to avoid toxins in the diet which might affect the developing fetus. I also like the one that claims a woman is more likely to suffer morning sickness when the man who impregnated her is significantly different from her, genetically speaking. Curiously, women who have morning sickness are less likely to suffer miscarriges. I think the two are somehow linked. In other words, if you are a mouth-breathing cousin fucker, you're less likely to have morning sickness and more likely to have a miscarriage or a deformed child. Which is why you shouldn't marry your cousins.
Funny, when I was pregnant with Logan's bairns, I somehow felt more pregnant. I guess having the male parental unit nearby made a difference. And when I would get sick (which I did often with both Brighid and Weyland), Logan would be quite accommodating. So I got looked after, which was a great improvement over the previous pregnancies. I always loved the physical aspects of being pregnant, once the morning sickness was done in about the third trimester. Of course, it was great having my menstrual cycle go on hiatus. And having an excuse for sleeping and resting with one's feet up is great. But the best thing, I think, was how in love Logan acted when I was pregnant. I sometimes regret having my tubes tied after Weyland (the boy with the giant head) was born. I always loved holding my babies, nursing my babies, sleeping with my babies curled up next to me.
In retrospect, though, I suppose it's a good thing I haven't had more children. Aside from all the zero population arguments, having children is just weary work sometimes. Since Brighid and Weyland were born, I've felt myself incapable of just running away when overwhelmed. One has to stay put, take it, and just deal with it. Sometimes it's almost too much to bear, and I wish I could abandon my baggage, including children, by the side of the road, like in "The Joy Luck Club". But then there are the moments when a child, out of the blue, hugs me and says, "I love you, Mommy," and the desire to purge is gone.
Wednesday, a milky white liquid (fire retardant?) started dripping from the sprinkler heads in Pete's office. It smelled horrible. Unfortunately, it occurred around 4:30 p.m., so that by the time Rita Frost, our extraordinarily tanned Accounting Director, came across the hall to find out what the bad smell was, it was already almost time to leave when she asked us why we hadn't left. At that point, what was the point? I had already called Logan to come get me, and short of calling him on his cell and yelling, "drive faster!", I didn't see a reason to quit working. I might as well finish what I had laid out to do until 4:55 p.m.
I started writing the above on Saturday, but got distracted and didn't finish. Here it is Monday, and I'm here at work with not much more accomplished.
The reason this entry is entitled "Binge and Purge" is because that's what I've been doing lately. I binged on honeydew melon Saturday morning. It was wonderful, too juicy, and very sweet. I ate enough that I don't want anymore for a while, and there was still enough left for Brighid and Logan. It was a big honeydew melon. I've been cleaning my room, sweeping under everything, going through boxes, cleaning out nooks and crevices, packing things to store out of the way. I'm being unmerciful in what I purge. If it's broken and I can't fix it with a minimal of effort, I toss it. I have a stack of mending I've decided to get done this week or make into rags by next weekend.
I've been binging on movies lately, renting several at a time, getting caught up on culture, such as it is. I saw the very good "Being Julia" this weekend, along with the so-so "Ladder 49", which Logan liked. We also watched "The Snow Walker", which must have been a direct-to-video production because I don't recall it being publicized. It was a nice movie, but nothing to write home about. Then Brighid and I watched the latest incarnation of "Phantom of the Opera", which Brighid disliked for all the singing -- despite me telling her it was a musical! Yesterday, I caught the last hour or so of "Beyond Borders", which was passing fair. Last night, I watched "Cold Mountain" again, though I don't know why except that I was having trouble falling asleep.
It made me wonder how many times women actually get pregnant the first time they have sex. This seems to be a common plot twist in romance stories, and it did happen to me with Wesley's father and again later with someone with which I had a one-night stand. (Mike, I think his name was -- I met him at a club, he tried hitting on my friend first, so I guess I was better than going home and resorting to self-abuse. I ended up having an abortion because I just couldn't go through giving a child up for adoption again. Having to give up Wesley was just too fresh and painful. I couldn't see anyway that I could keep the child, so made what has turned out to be, at least for me, far less painful mentally than placing a child for adoption was.) Wow, what a tangent. I didn't really mean to go there. But, what the hell. So out of 5 pregnancies, I've gotten pregnant twice on the first time I had sex with the father. 2/5 = 40%. Ack. Maybe it's not such a far-fetched notion, after all.
Speaking of purging, I never had morning sickness until I carried Logan's babies. There are all kinds of theories about why women have morning sickness and what causes it. I like the one that says morning sickness forces women to eat a bland diet so as to avoid toxins in the diet which might affect the developing fetus. I also like the one that claims a woman is more likely to suffer morning sickness when the man who impregnated her is significantly different from her, genetically speaking. Curiously, women who have morning sickness are less likely to suffer miscarriges. I think the two are somehow linked. In other words, if you are a mouth-breathing cousin fucker, you're less likely to have morning sickness and more likely to have a miscarriage or a deformed child. Which is why you shouldn't marry your cousins.
Funny, when I was pregnant with Logan's bairns, I somehow felt more pregnant. I guess having the male parental unit nearby made a difference. And when I would get sick (which I did often with both Brighid and Weyland), Logan would be quite accommodating. So I got looked after, which was a great improvement over the previous pregnancies. I always loved the physical aspects of being pregnant, once the morning sickness was done in about the third trimester. Of course, it was great having my menstrual cycle go on hiatus. And having an excuse for sleeping and resting with one's feet up is great. But the best thing, I think, was how in love Logan acted when I was pregnant. I sometimes regret having my tubes tied after Weyland (the boy with the giant head) was born. I always loved holding my babies, nursing my babies, sleeping with my babies curled up next to me.
In retrospect, though, I suppose it's a good thing I haven't had more children. Aside from all the zero population arguments, having children is just weary work sometimes. Since Brighid and Weyland were born, I've felt myself incapable of just running away when overwhelmed. One has to stay put, take it, and just deal with it. Sometimes it's almost too much to bear, and I wish I could abandon my baggage, including children, by the side of the road, like in "The Joy Luck Club". But then there are the moments when a child, out of the blue, hugs me and says, "I love you, Mommy," and the desire to purge is gone.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Waiting for the Weekend
I saw the doctor Monday, and he could barely find the external stitches, they've healed so well, but the internal ones still feel weird. He said the muscle cramp in my left calf was in no way related to the surgery (but in my estimation, it's related to wallering up in bed all day). I'm to bulk up on things with potassium, calcium, and drink more milk. Today is Thursday, and I've had Logan rub it all week with Target brand Ben-Gay, and it's almost unnoticeable today. I opined that it was related to my surgery in that I had to be on a liquid diet, which meant I didn't eat anything that caused heart burn, thus, I didn't consume a couple of Tums a day for the past week, so my calcium level dropped. Add to that the laying in bed eating bon-bons, and voila'! Muscle cramp!
I've become less enraptured with blogging while I was laid up in bed. I'm still tired, and can't seem to wake up before 7 a.m., which makes getting to work on time dicey. It took me only a week to get accustomed to having a nap every day, and now I miss it.
Interestingly, it's taken me only three days to get caught up to where I was before I took off 7 days from work for the surgery and recovery. That, or the mail has been slow.
Not much else of import to impart. Just sort of stunned that my baby brother turned 36 on Monday. I made him a pan of Rice Crispy Treats and bought him a very plush stuffed monkey. I almost want to keep it, it's so soft. I just hope his little dog doesn't chew it to bits.
Saturday is the last Girls' Night Out before school starts back up and getting anyone's schedule to coordinate becomes much more difficult. Herbie's fixing New York strip steaks, baked potatoes, salad, and banana splits. Hey, my doctor said I need to eat more red meat and bananas. Plus, potatoes have lots of potassium, right? Oh, and we're going to make daiquiris or pina coladas or some other foo-foo drink. Summer's over, in some respects, so we should toast the liberation of having the kids in school during the day!
Well, lunch is almost over, too, and I'm out of ideas, so that's all for now.
I've become less enraptured with blogging while I was laid up in bed. I'm still tired, and can't seem to wake up before 7 a.m., which makes getting to work on time dicey. It took me only a week to get accustomed to having a nap every day, and now I miss it.
Interestingly, it's taken me only three days to get caught up to where I was before I took off 7 days from work for the surgery and recovery. That, or the mail has been slow.
Not much else of import to impart. Just sort of stunned that my baby brother turned 36 on Monday. I made him a pan of Rice Crispy Treats and bought him a very plush stuffed monkey. I almost want to keep it, it's so soft. I just hope his little dog doesn't chew it to bits.
Saturday is the last Girls' Night Out before school starts back up and getting anyone's schedule to coordinate becomes much more difficult. Herbie's fixing New York strip steaks, baked potatoes, salad, and banana splits. Hey, my doctor said I need to eat more red meat and bananas. Plus, potatoes have lots of potassium, right? Oh, and we're going to make daiquiris or pina coladas or some other foo-foo drink. Summer's over, in some respects, so we should toast the liberation of having the kids in school during the day!
Well, lunch is almost over, too, and I'm out of ideas, so that's all for now.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Surgery Update
Obviously, I survived having my nether region cut and sewed. I got sick in the recovery room, though, and puked up my empty guts. I felt horrible until I got to go back to sleep and have some morphine. I was home the next day, and spent a week basically in bed, as sitting up made me tired -- still does. Eric called me "Frankenpussy". Lovely. Susan spent a lot of time up at the hospital, just watching me sleep for the most part, helping me do things, and being my advocate to the nursing staff. She's very good at it, so I told her I would hire her for all my hospital stays.
A week ago, I started feeling pain in my left calf. It has hurt all week, getting progressively worse. So I've spent the past week fairly doped up, taking Darvocet, aspirin, and some of Logan's muscle relaxers. I go to the doctor tomorrow to have my stitched looked at, and will have the doctor examine my leg as well. It felt a little better today, but still hurts. At first, I was afraid it was a blood clot, but have since decided it is a muscle spasm.
That's all for now. Like I said, I'm tired.
A week ago, I started feeling pain in my left calf. It has hurt all week, getting progressively worse. So I've spent the past week fairly doped up, taking Darvocet, aspirin, and some of Logan's muscle relaxers. I go to the doctor tomorrow to have my stitched looked at, and will have the doctor examine my leg as well. It felt a little better today, but still hurts. At first, I was afraid it was a blood clot, but have since decided it is a muscle spasm.
That's all for now. Like I said, I'm tired.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Piddling Affairs
Tomorrow I go in for pre-op, which means waiting, filling out paperwork, and probably getting my vitals checked. The hospital has to check to make sure I'm fit for surgery, and of course, that my insurance will pay for it. Then I get to drink potassium citrate and have an enema. Reamed in more than one way. Add to that the joy of having only clear fluids tomorrow (I asked Eric, "does vodka count??"), and I'm going to be one bitchy person tomorrow. But hallelujah! Friday I get my "fundament" repaired, as my grandmother would say. It will be good to get off the piddle pad regimen.
Last night, Logan and I watched Diary of a Mad Black Woman, which couldn't make up its mind between being a comedy or a drama. There were funny moments, but rather schmaltzy moments as well. Earlier, we had eaten the Tuesday special, $2.99 taco plates at Rosa's, with kids in tow. Monday, Logan left the kids at home and after picking me up from work, took me to eat fish and shrimp at Long John Silver's. Yeah, I know, no great shakes as far as the food goes, but Logan was making a point to spend time with me before my surgery.
I've been inexplicably nervous about this surgery. I'm not afraid of the actual operation, for I know the doctor is skilled - I've read up on him. I'm wary of being put under, and how my heart might react. I have no history of heart problems, but given my weight, cholesterol level, and blood pressure, I'm worried. Add to that the weird head things I've been feeling the last two days - dizziness, almost blacking out sitting here at my desk doing nothing strenuous, and feeling a burning sensation in my head along with a slight fever and headache - and I'm making myself paranoid.
Today or tomorrow, I have to get a will written, a durable power of attorney assigned to Logan, and decide what I want on a medical directive or "living will", should the worst happen and I end up in a vegetative state. It's not just the impending surgery causing me to think of all this, it's the fact that I've made contact with my son who was adopted out at birth and that I'm talking a lot more with Beth, and developing what seems to be turning in to a good relationship with her. I know I need to plan especially for Brighid and Weyland, since they are closer to me than my grown children, and know me as their mother, but I want to make some sort of provision for my first daughter and son as well. I just don't know what to leave them, since I don't have much of value. It seems ridiculous to make a list of all the various and sundry items, but I know how much ill will has been and can be caused by not being specific enough in one's will. I had two aunts who didn't speak to each other for years over a dispute about their mother's sterling silver charm bracelet. The main thing I want to leave everyone with is a warm place in his heart for me. (Ok, grammar police, "his" is correct - everyone = singular = his, for the masculine is correct when gender is not specific.)
I've told Logan that I want him and Susan to have final say in my funeral if they are both still around. I want a wake, a loud, boisterous, happy party. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT want a somber viewing at a funeral home where everyone speaks in hushed tones, mumbling pleasantries, all the while wondering how long they have to stay for form's sake. So fer cryin' out loud, throw a party. With a three drink minimum. Spend the money on booze, music, food, and fresh flowers. I'd like a Dixie-Land jazz band, the kind they have in New Orleans, where they play music, carry umbrellas, and dance in the streets. I'd like a full gospel black choir singing "When The Saints Go Marching In". Hell, maybe even a mariachi band. But of course, a piper at graveside. I'd like to be buried in my Lindsay kilt or failing that, my favorite blue jeans. I want to be planted next to Pappy in a wooden coffin of the European style. Put coins on my eyes. Hire a couple of 20 year-old studly looking actors to keel and wail and throw themselves into the ground after the casket is lowered, just for kicks. But most important, I don't want a Baptist funeral or a Catholic one. As far as I'm concerned, the jury is still out as to whether or not there really is a god, so keep that in mind. It's ok to mention God in passing - cover all the bases, as it were - but for godsakes, don't make a production about it. Get the burying part over, and get on with the celebrating.
Last night, Logan and I watched Diary of a Mad Black Woman, which couldn't make up its mind between being a comedy or a drama. There were funny moments, but rather schmaltzy moments as well. Earlier, we had eaten the Tuesday special, $2.99 taco plates at Rosa's, with kids in tow. Monday, Logan left the kids at home and after picking me up from work, took me to eat fish and shrimp at Long John Silver's. Yeah, I know, no great shakes as far as the food goes, but Logan was making a point to spend time with me before my surgery.
I've been inexplicably nervous about this surgery. I'm not afraid of the actual operation, for I know the doctor is skilled - I've read up on him. I'm wary of being put under, and how my heart might react. I have no history of heart problems, but given my weight, cholesterol level, and blood pressure, I'm worried. Add to that the weird head things I've been feeling the last two days - dizziness, almost blacking out sitting here at my desk doing nothing strenuous, and feeling a burning sensation in my head along with a slight fever and headache - and I'm making myself paranoid.
Today or tomorrow, I have to get a will written, a durable power of attorney assigned to Logan, and decide what I want on a medical directive or "living will", should the worst happen and I end up in a vegetative state. It's not just the impending surgery causing me to think of all this, it's the fact that I've made contact with my son who was adopted out at birth and that I'm talking a lot more with Beth, and developing what seems to be turning in to a good relationship with her. I know I need to plan especially for Brighid and Weyland, since they are closer to me than my grown children, and know me as their mother, but I want to make some sort of provision for my first daughter and son as well. I just don't know what to leave them, since I don't have much of value. It seems ridiculous to make a list of all the various and sundry items, but I know how much ill will has been and can be caused by not being specific enough in one's will. I had two aunts who didn't speak to each other for years over a dispute about their mother's sterling silver charm bracelet. The main thing I want to leave everyone with is a warm place in his heart for me. (Ok, grammar police, "his" is correct - everyone = singular = his, for the masculine is correct when gender is not specific.)
I've told Logan that I want him and Susan to have final say in my funeral if they are both still around. I want a wake, a loud, boisterous, happy party. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT want a somber viewing at a funeral home where everyone speaks in hushed tones, mumbling pleasantries, all the while wondering how long they have to stay for form's sake. So fer cryin' out loud, throw a party. With a three drink minimum. Spend the money on booze, music, food, and fresh flowers. I'd like a Dixie-Land jazz band, the kind they have in New Orleans, where they play music, carry umbrellas, and dance in the streets. I'd like a full gospel black choir singing "When The Saints Go Marching In". Hell, maybe even a mariachi band. But of course, a piper at graveside. I'd like to be buried in my Lindsay kilt or failing that, my favorite blue jeans. I want to be planted next to Pappy in a wooden coffin of the European style. Put coins on my eyes. Hire a couple of 20 year-old studly looking actors to keel and wail and throw themselves into the ground after the casket is lowered, just for kicks. But most important, I don't want a Baptist funeral or a Catholic one. As far as I'm concerned, the jury is still out as to whether or not there really is a god, so keep that in mind. It's ok to mention God in passing - cover all the bases, as it were - but for godsakes, don't make a production about it. Get the burying part over, and get on with the celebrating.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Blog Envy
I tried several times yesterday to get somewhere on the Internet, anywhere, but kept coming up blank. It must have been stuck. I mean, I even tried running spybot, ad aware, and a couple other virus scanners on the computer, tried disk cleanup and defrag, and still couldn't get anywhere, even after re-booting a couple of times. I talked to Eric and Susan yesterday, and they had trouble as well, so I'm hoping it wasn't just inept me.
Yesterday, I had to go in for jury duty, got put into the replacement pool, and didn't get selected, so I went home, tried to nap, and ended up working all three crossword puzzles in the paper, and starting a pulp fiction kind of mystery book by Gary Krist called Bad Chemistry. I guess I just needed a little mental exercise and then relaxation. I read crap books for utter enjoyment, one of my few guilty pleasures (not that I have many besides listening to and owning records by The Bee Gees and eating ice cream from the container), since I always think I should be setting my literary goals at a much loftier level, but have yet to make it through the first page of Cervantes' Don Quixote without falling asleep, and have never made it past the first paragraph of War and Peace.
I read about three or four blogs on a regular basis, and am frequently confronted with an inane and pointless irritation - finding myself jealous of other writers. I'm either jealous that they can write so well, or I'm jealous that they have all kinds of cool experiences. I'm mean, it's truly pathetic to be jealous of another person's life, isn't it? Yet there it is. I'm not hip, urbane, living in a foreign country, working at a fantastic job, being madly courted by a suave, debonair chevalier, or having erotic poetry written for me. I'm starting to think that I need to get myself back into psycho-therapy to find out why I'm so dissatisfied with my life. Seriously, I'm relatively young and healthy, I have two beautiful children at home and two grown ones out on their own, so genetically, I'm successful, I have a decent job, a roof over my head, plenty to eat, clothes on my back, and several very close friends. So why am I feeling so empty? I'm having a sneaking feeling that another episode of depression is creeping up on me, and I'd like to be able to head it off at the pass.
It's been several months since I've been seriously depressed, and I usually get over it pretty quickly. I do one of four things, cry, eat, drink, or have sex, and that usually works to get me over a blue funk. But then sometimes I get a spell that's worse than normal, and it lingers for days, sometimes weeks. I haven't had one of those in several years, but I can normally feel them coming on, now that I know what they are. It just feels like I'm spinning my wheels sometimes, is all, I guess, and I don't know how to get out of the hamster habitat. I know these fits are probably fostered by outside situations rather than by a true bipolar disorder, but they sure make me feel manic-depressive. The impetus today was probably the discussion which would have become heated if given enough time (thankfully, arriving at work curtailed it) in which Logan and I had major disagreements over whether or not to buy the new house, buying a new car, and generally our relationship with each other.
I'd write more, but I feel like I might cry, it's so frustrating. Besides, I've only got 15 minutes left in which to grab some lunch, drink some water, and go walk. That, or read more of the trashy thriller....
Yesterday, I had to go in for jury duty, got put into the replacement pool, and didn't get selected, so I went home, tried to nap, and ended up working all three crossword puzzles in the paper, and starting a pulp fiction kind of mystery book by Gary Krist called Bad Chemistry. I guess I just needed a little mental exercise and then relaxation. I read crap books for utter enjoyment, one of my few guilty pleasures (not that I have many besides listening to and owning records by The Bee Gees and eating ice cream from the container), since I always think I should be setting my literary goals at a much loftier level, but have yet to make it through the first page of Cervantes' Don Quixote without falling asleep, and have never made it past the first paragraph of War and Peace.
I read about three or four blogs on a regular basis, and am frequently confronted with an inane and pointless irritation - finding myself jealous of other writers. I'm either jealous that they can write so well, or I'm jealous that they have all kinds of cool experiences. I'm mean, it's truly pathetic to be jealous of another person's life, isn't it? Yet there it is. I'm not hip, urbane, living in a foreign country, working at a fantastic job, being madly courted by a suave, debonair chevalier, or having erotic poetry written for me. I'm starting to think that I need to get myself back into psycho-therapy to find out why I'm so dissatisfied with my life. Seriously, I'm relatively young and healthy, I have two beautiful children at home and two grown ones out on their own, so genetically, I'm successful, I have a decent job, a roof over my head, plenty to eat, clothes on my back, and several very close friends. So why am I feeling so empty? I'm having a sneaking feeling that another episode of depression is creeping up on me, and I'd like to be able to head it off at the pass.
It's been several months since I've been seriously depressed, and I usually get over it pretty quickly. I do one of four things, cry, eat, drink, or have sex, and that usually works to get me over a blue funk. But then sometimes I get a spell that's worse than normal, and it lingers for days, sometimes weeks. I haven't had one of those in several years, but I can normally feel them coming on, now that I know what they are. It just feels like I'm spinning my wheels sometimes, is all, I guess, and I don't know how to get out of the hamster habitat. I know these fits are probably fostered by outside situations rather than by a true bipolar disorder, but they sure make me feel manic-depressive. The impetus today was probably the discussion which would have become heated if given enough time (thankfully, arriving at work curtailed it) in which Logan and I had major disagreements over whether or not to buy the new house, buying a new car, and generally our relationship with each other.
I'd write more, but I feel like I might cry, it's so frustrating. Besides, I've only got 15 minutes left in which to grab some lunch, drink some water, and go walk. That, or read more of the trashy thriller....
Monday, July 18, 2005
The Drama Queen Abdicates
Today, I'm feeling glad that my life does not have as much drama as it used to have. I keep up with a couple of blogs other people write, and I swear, if my life had as much drama as their lives, I'd be hospitalized for exhaustion. Mommy used to say be happy for boredom, as it means nothing terrible is happening. I've had my headlines, now I'm happy to just read them, though sometimes just reading them is exhausting, too.
Last night, I stayed up til 3 a.m. watching Dances With Wolves, only because Weyland started watching it, as he'd never seen it, but took off to bed when the kissing part began. I don't know why I got hooked on watching it 'til the end, since I've seen it at least three other times, but I found myself wide awake when it was over. I fell asleep quickly, though, thanks in part to taking my Neurontin and wearing the CPAP mask, since the sound of the air being pushed at me and being pushed by me out of the mask is oddly calming. When the alarm went off at 6:45 a.m., I hit the snooze, then again two more times before I managed to drag my dead carcass up from the mattress at 7:20 a.m. Gawd, I'm tired today. When I get home, I may very well just break the cardinal rule of no naps after 3 p.m. and take one. I'll probably sleep til midnight anyway, get up and pee, have a snack, and then go right back to bed.
I paid all my bills on Friday, paying a little extra on some to bring the balances down, and I have not quite $7 until the 1st. Gad. I'm dying for a Coke, as I need the caffeine kick to help me stay awake, but I just can't get myself to go downstairs and write a check for $5 or $6.
Logan and I have been going back and forth in our minds about whether or not to make an offer on the big house in Arlington. Logan finally said that if the house is still available at the end of the month, he'll make an offer. If this all comes to pass and we do get the house, it will be worth it in that our stress will be reduced by having more room, and a place for everything. I'm tired of living among clutter, tired of having tiny bedrooms and tiny closets. Our kitchen is not even big enough to have a kitchen table in it, and the dining room table is being used as a computer desk. I don't know how we got so much stuff, but I'd sure like it spread out.
This week, I have to get my paperwork in order - a new will and a medical directive with a durable power of attorney for Logan so that if anything happens, it won't be all left up in the air. I've seen what horrible things happen when people just assume their so called loved ones will do the right thing. More drama. And I want no part of that.
Last night, I stayed up til 3 a.m. watching Dances With Wolves, only because Weyland started watching it, as he'd never seen it, but took off to bed when the kissing part began. I don't know why I got hooked on watching it 'til the end, since I've seen it at least three other times, but I found myself wide awake when it was over. I fell asleep quickly, though, thanks in part to taking my Neurontin and wearing the CPAP mask, since the sound of the air being pushed at me and being pushed by me out of the mask is oddly calming. When the alarm went off at 6:45 a.m., I hit the snooze, then again two more times before I managed to drag my dead carcass up from the mattress at 7:20 a.m. Gawd, I'm tired today. When I get home, I may very well just break the cardinal rule of no naps after 3 p.m. and take one. I'll probably sleep til midnight anyway, get up and pee, have a snack, and then go right back to bed.
I paid all my bills on Friday, paying a little extra on some to bring the balances down, and I have not quite $7 until the 1st. Gad. I'm dying for a Coke, as I need the caffeine kick to help me stay awake, but I just can't get myself to go downstairs and write a check for $5 or $6.
Logan and I have been going back and forth in our minds about whether or not to make an offer on the big house in Arlington. Logan finally said that if the house is still available at the end of the month, he'll make an offer. If this all comes to pass and we do get the house, it will be worth it in that our stress will be reduced by having more room, and a place for everything. I'm tired of living among clutter, tired of having tiny bedrooms and tiny closets. Our kitchen is not even big enough to have a kitchen table in it, and the dining room table is being used as a computer desk. I don't know how we got so much stuff, but I'd sure like it spread out.
This week, I have to get my paperwork in order - a new will and a medical directive with a durable power of attorney for Logan so that if anything happens, it won't be all left up in the air. I've seen what horrible things happen when people just assume their so called loved ones will do the right thing. More drama. And I want no part of that.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Why Bother?
I'm seriously starting to wonder why I should bother blogging. I go for days at a time either forgetting to do so, or not finding time to do so. Last week, for example, my youngest daughter turned 13, to no fanfare of any kind. That's because for over two months, she had been threatened with having her birthday cancelled if she didn't get her room cleaned. I reminded her regularly, once a week for six weeks, then once a day for a week, then several times a day up until her birthday. Come Bastille Day, her room still was dirty. Not just dirty, filthy, a health hazard. I can no longer enter without fear of falling and not being able to get up. No one would be able to find me, either, the clutter is so deep. There is a fruit fly infestation (which is what started my dire threat in the first place), things are lost, and I fear the two missing cats may have lost their way in there as well. I hate having to be Mean Mommy, but once I gave the "old tomato" (ultimatum), I had to follow through.
My thirteenth birthday went unnoticed by my mother as well. I recall my dad came over to chaperone the party held at the house my 17 year old sister and I live in alone, unsupervised, but he left around 10 p.m. or so, when the party broke up, unaware I was on my way to Mario's house less than a block away, where I was deflowered for my first birthday as a teenager.
Logan did bring home a chocolate cake for Brighid, but I suspect he used that as his excuse for buying it. It was a sinfully fudgey, chocolatey cake with shaved chocolate curls embedded in the frosting, and fudgey, gooey filling between the layers. Just a small slice made my teeth hurt. Man, was it good.
Yesterday, I embarked upon a cleaning jag. I took everything off the shelf Brighid broke in my nice wooden bookself, repaired (after a fashion) the shelf, and then rearranged the books so that the heavy ones aren't on the broken side. I went through scads of paper and mail, sorting it into recycle, shred, and file piles. I folded about four baskets of laundry and hope to get it put away today. I am quite the procrastinator when it comes to actually putting away the laundry. I've got a bit more to do tonight, such as take the trash from the bathroom and the bedroom to the kitchen, but after that, my room should be back to normal.
Logan has been looking at houses, and has found one that might work for us. It's in south Arlington, and has over 3400 square feet. That's more than triple what we have now. It would make a huge difference -- we'd be able to unclutter the house. Just having a kitchen big enough to swing a cat in would be grand, and having a huge master bathroom with double sinks and a giant bathtub would be wonderful. But it would cost around $600 a month at least, and I'm not sure we should take the plunge yet. The best idea is to spend a year paying down debt, getting our vehicle situation in good shape, and making repairs to the house we own now. But the idea of having a nice, new, huge house is almost too tempting to turn down. Logan thinks we'd be able to make some improvements to the house and be able to sell it for a profit in a couple of years. I'm just nervous about the whole thing, but I'm hoping the best thing is the new house. It would certainly help with the impetus to clean and de-clutter this one.
Well, I'm tired, and need to go fix dinner. More later.
My thirteenth birthday went unnoticed by my mother as well. I recall my dad came over to chaperone the party held at the house my 17 year old sister and I live in alone, unsupervised, but he left around 10 p.m. or so, when the party broke up, unaware I was on my way to Mario's house less than a block away, where I was deflowered for my first birthday as a teenager.
Logan did bring home a chocolate cake for Brighid, but I suspect he used that as his excuse for buying it. It was a sinfully fudgey, chocolatey cake with shaved chocolate curls embedded in the frosting, and fudgey, gooey filling between the layers. Just a small slice made my teeth hurt. Man, was it good.
Yesterday, I embarked upon a cleaning jag. I took everything off the shelf Brighid broke in my nice wooden bookself, repaired (after a fashion) the shelf, and then rearranged the books so that the heavy ones aren't on the broken side. I went through scads of paper and mail, sorting it into recycle, shred, and file piles. I folded about four baskets of laundry and hope to get it put away today. I am quite the procrastinator when it comes to actually putting away the laundry. I've got a bit more to do tonight, such as take the trash from the bathroom and the bedroom to the kitchen, but after that, my room should be back to normal.
Logan has been looking at houses, and has found one that might work for us. It's in south Arlington, and has over 3400 square feet. That's more than triple what we have now. It would make a huge difference -- we'd be able to unclutter the house. Just having a kitchen big enough to swing a cat in would be grand, and having a huge master bathroom with double sinks and a giant bathtub would be wonderful. But it would cost around $600 a month at least, and I'm not sure we should take the plunge yet. The best idea is to spend a year paying down debt, getting our vehicle situation in good shape, and making repairs to the house we own now. But the idea of having a nice, new, huge house is almost too tempting to turn down. Logan thinks we'd be able to make some improvements to the house and be able to sell it for a profit in a couple of years. I'm just nervous about the whole thing, but I'm hoping the best thing is the new house. It would certainly help with the impetus to clean and de-clutter this one.
Well, I'm tired, and need to go fix dinner. More later.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
I once was lost, but now I'm found
I found the missing sack yesterday. The croissants were moldy, but luckily, my needlework was safe in a plastic bag. I have sorely missed doing a bit of cross-stitch every evening. Funny how quickly one can get into a routine, and how much one dislikes a routine being disrupted.
The fridge cleaning I intended to do the other day didn't get done until today. Well, I admit, it's only partially done. All the science projects have been cleared out. What still remains is washing every shelf and drawer. I think those will get done one a day for the next week or so. It's such a pain in the ass (and the knees, the back, & etc.) cleaning those things, especially when some of them will have to soak in warm water because some child or Logan spilled something sticky which was allowed to set.
Since I'm having my fundament repaired at the end of the month, I'm trying to get some things in order such as getting a will written (just in case, not that I'm expecting it to), getting a living will made out, and on the day of surgery, signing a durable power of attorney so that Logan can have the plug yanked if something does go wrong and I end up gone while forgetting to die. I didn't think about this sort of thing when I was twenty. I might have accidentally gone ahead and grown up on myself without planning to do so. Scary thought, in some regards. Probably only 40 years left, if that much. That is scary.
The fridge cleaning I intended to do the other day didn't get done until today. Well, I admit, it's only partially done. All the science projects have been cleared out. What still remains is washing every shelf and drawer. I think those will get done one a day for the next week or so. It's such a pain in the ass (and the knees, the back, & etc.) cleaning those things, especially when some of them will have to soak in warm water because some child or Logan spilled something sticky which was allowed to set.
Since I'm having my fundament repaired at the end of the month, I'm trying to get some things in order such as getting a will written (just in case, not that I'm expecting it to), getting a living will made out, and on the day of surgery, signing a durable power of attorney so that Logan can have the plug yanked if something does go wrong and I end up gone while forgetting to die. I didn't think about this sort of thing when I was twenty. I might have accidentally gone ahead and grown up on myself without planning to do so. Scary thought, in some regards. Probably only 40 years left, if that much. That is scary.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Random Notes
Tomorrow is July 4th, and the sailboat won't be ready. So I guess we're going to go up to the party at work and watch the fireworks and have a picnic. I'm seriously considering making a spiked watermelon: cut a hole in the top, pour in everclear, put the plug back in, let it sit & soak.
My surgery has been scheduled for July 29th. I'll go in bright and early Friday morning and stay just a day, provided everything goes well. I got the bill for the Urinary Distention Study - mein Gott in himmel! - over $3,000.00. My share, incredibly, is only $22.00. But $3,000.00 to measure how and when I pee in a cup?? No wonder a lot of companies can't afford to offer health insurance. I can't begin to say how glad I am my insurance is free. All the more reason to hang on to my job.
I've got to clean out the fridge, and I'm dreading it. It hasn't been done in at least six weeks, probably much longer, and it shows.
I cleaned my room the other night, and still haven't found the sack from Shellie's which had some croissants, a book for Eric, and my needlepoint. I'm starting to suspect Logan has alzheimer's, since he says he didn't move it from the back of the van, and I know I didn't. I seriously miss my needlework. I was cross-stitching some pillowcases in pretty colors of green and purple, leaves, vines, and grapes. No one seems to do handwork anymore, so I have to start back up. I've even been talking to the gals about us all getting together and learning to quilt.
Nothing much else of note, so I'll shut up now.
My surgery has been scheduled for July 29th. I'll go in bright and early Friday morning and stay just a day, provided everything goes well. I got the bill for the Urinary Distention Study - mein Gott in himmel! - over $3,000.00. My share, incredibly, is only $22.00. But $3,000.00 to measure how and when I pee in a cup?? No wonder a lot of companies can't afford to offer health insurance. I can't begin to say how glad I am my insurance is free. All the more reason to hang on to my job.
I've got to clean out the fridge, and I'm dreading it. It hasn't been done in at least six weeks, probably much longer, and it shows.
I cleaned my room the other night, and still haven't found the sack from Shellie's which had some croissants, a book for Eric, and my needlepoint. I'm starting to suspect Logan has alzheimer's, since he says he didn't move it from the back of the van, and I know I didn't. I seriously miss my needlework. I was cross-stitching some pillowcases in pretty colors of green and purple, leaves, vines, and grapes. No one seems to do handwork anymore, so I have to start back up. I've even been talking to the gals about us all getting together and learning to quilt.
Nothing much else of note, so I'll shut up now.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Lost Weekend
Saturday morning Logan got up bright and early and ran off to work on his sailboat. He was careful not to wake me up, but Eric had already beaten him to that punch. Mr. Excitement called around, oh, 7:22 on a Saturday morning wanting to know what I was doing. In a perfect world, I'd be shagging the brains out of some gorgeous 20-something stud enamoured with me for my fabulous writing, but the cold reality was I was alone in bed with a plastic CPAP mask attached to my face (which greatly amuses Weyland, who loves space operas and aliens, and thinks my breathing apparatus makes a great costume). I tried getting back to sleep, to no avail. Eventually, I got up and tried to rouse the kids. We made it to LMRA in time for the picnic being held by my department at work, ate a little watermelon (None of us were very hungry, but we'd had a late breakfast at Sonic.), and then spent the next two and a half hours swimming. I got a little more sunburned, but Brighid is starting to tan. When we got home, I took a brief nap, then took the kids to bardic.
Padraig never showed (well, he hadn't showed by 11:15 p.m., which is when we left), so no one felt like singing. They act like he's the only bard in the world. I may not be a guitar player, but I have a passing fair voice, and can usually carry a tune. And Padraig even said I needed to attend bardic because he wanted to hear me sing. So I was a little put off by the underwhelming welcome I received.
I stopped playing actively in the SCA several months ago because I just wasn't having fun anymore. After I was turned down for membership in House Mac an Gabhain because they don't like Logan (as if Logan would even join!), I lost a lot of desire to even be around those people any more. Then when I spent the night in the tent of a certain "gentleman", waking the whole encampment several times with the noise of our ardor, I think I was instantly branded a hussy and silently shunned (this from the organization nicknamed "Society for Consenting Adults" and the group known for singing very bawdy songs such as "Barnacle Bill" at the top of their lungs!). After last night, I'm really starting to doubt I will ever go to another SCA function. I've never been treated by anyone as a true friend in that I'm never confided in, never asked to be a part of any hijinks or behind the scenes, secret goings-on. I've tried to bond with people at events, but I guess I'm just too weird for them.
Yesterday, I laid in bed a lot, watching design shows like "Designing Cents" and "Curb Appeal", just relaxing, letting my back stretch out. I had tried coaxing Logan into bed with me, but he rushed off again to go work on the sailboat. So after a bit of fun on my own with an electrical device (I'm almost getting tired of this particular relationship, as it's so one sided. I'd really like a massage and a kiss sometimes instead.), I took a brief nap, then took the kids to the video store to return the old movies and get new ones. We stopped for shaved ice snow cones on the way home. I had my favorite, blue coconut. I only like it to be blue. Sometimes coconut snowcones are white, in which case I don't want them. Once home, I tried to watch "The Life Aquatic" but after 30 minutes, gave up in disgust. It was just too stupid. After the news was over, a really good show, "The Ultimate Survivor", all about the evolution of man, came on. Weyland and I tried to watch it, curled up in bed with the very affectionate cat, Cruack, but we only made it to about 12:15 a.m. before I was overcome with sleepiness and had to shoo Weyland off to his own bed.
Today, I'm at work, eating tortilla chips for lunch because I don't feel like going downstairs to get American-Chinese buffet and I didn't bring anything. Here in a bit, I'll get a glass of water and then go walk down the hall, down the stairs, up the hall, and back up the stairs. Just that little bit of exertion raises my pulse from round 75 up to 136, so I'm not really going to increase the amount of exercise until my pulse doesn't jump quite so much. Yesterday, I mentioned to Beth that she might come over and go for a walk with me. She didn't manage to do so, but maybe today.
I seriously need to take better care of myself, but this morning, I felt like I might have a slight fever and I have a sore spot on my neck which might be a swollen lymph gland. I so do not want to have a summer cold or the flu. If I'm coming down with something, then I just want to crawl in bed and have chicken soup. Mostly, I think, I'm just tired.
Padraig never showed (well, he hadn't showed by 11:15 p.m., which is when we left), so no one felt like singing. They act like he's the only bard in the world. I may not be a guitar player, but I have a passing fair voice, and can usually carry a tune. And Padraig even said I needed to attend bardic because he wanted to hear me sing. So I was a little put off by the underwhelming welcome I received.
I stopped playing actively in the SCA several months ago because I just wasn't having fun anymore. After I was turned down for membership in House Mac an Gabhain because they don't like Logan (as if Logan would even join!), I lost a lot of desire to even be around those people any more. Then when I spent the night in the tent of a certain "gentleman", waking the whole encampment several times with the noise of our ardor, I think I was instantly branded a hussy and silently shunned (this from the organization nicknamed "Society for Consenting Adults" and the group known for singing very bawdy songs such as "Barnacle Bill" at the top of their lungs!). After last night, I'm really starting to doubt I will ever go to another SCA function. I've never been treated by anyone as a true friend in that I'm never confided in, never asked to be a part of any hijinks or behind the scenes, secret goings-on. I've tried to bond with people at events, but I guess I'm just too weird for them.
Yesterday, I laid in bed a lot, watching design shows like "Designing Cents" and "Curb Appeal", just relaxing, letting my back stretch out. I had tried coaxing Logan into bed with me, but he rushed off again to go work on the sailboat. So after a bit of fun on my own with an electrical device (I'm almost getting tired of this particular relationship, as it's so one sided. I'd really like a massage and a kiss sometimes instead.), I took a brief nap, then took the kids to the video store to return the old movies and get new ones. We stopped for shaved ice snow cones on the way home. I had my favorite, blue coconut. I only like it to be blue. Sometimes coconut snowcones are white, in which case I don't want them. Once home, I tried to watch "The Life Aquatic" but after 30 minutes, gave up in disgust. It was just too stupid. After the news was over, a really good show, "The Ultimate Survivor", all about the evolution of man, came on. Weyland and I tried to watch it, curled up in bed with the very affectionate cat, Cruack, but we only made it to about 12:15 a.m. before I was overcome with sleepiness and had to shoo Weyland off to his own bed.
Today, I'm at work, eating tortilla chips for lunch because I don't feel like going downstairs to get American-Chinese buffet and I didn't bring anything. Here in a bit, I'll get a glass of water and then go walk down the hall, down the stairs, up the hall, and back up the stairs. Just that little bit of exertion raises my pulse from round 75 up to 136, so I'm not really going to increase the amount of exercise until my pulse doesn't jump quite so much. Yesterday, I mentioned to Beth that she might come over and go for a walk with me. She didn't manage to do so, but maybe today.
I seriously need to take better care of myself, but this morning, I felt like I might have a slight fever and I have a sore spot on my neck which might be a swollen lymph gland. I so do not want to have a summer cold or the flu. If I'm coming down with something, then I just want to crawl in bed and have chicken soup. Mostly, I think, I'm just tired.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Life in Nada Pasa
I can't believe it's been two weeks since I've written. I've been incredibly busy at work since Jeanine is on leave until July 15th, having had a hysterectomy about ten days ago.
Last weekend, Logan, the kids, and I spent the weekend at Cedar Hill State Park. Logan went out in the boat, fishing, and caught only one small catfish. The kids and I went swimming and all caught sunburns, despite slathering gallons of SPF45 sunscreen on our bodies. I took off Saturday evening to go to Girls' Night Out at Shellie's, where we ate lots of good food, didn't drink much, and played Mystery Date. When I got back Sunday morning to the campsite, the kids were enjoying feeding apples to squirrels who left for a while but came back with friends. Funny how that happens. Logan has lost about 25 pounds since getting his little boat fixed up and on the water. Maybe I need to start rowing.
I'm trying to slowly change my life style by doing things such as cutting out Cokes, drinking more water, eating more raw fruits & vegetables, and walking during lunch, but today I broke down and had a Coke. I don't drink coffee, and sometimes I just need that caffeine kick.
Took a break and didn't get back to this until today. I'm starting to wonder just what the hell the point is to all this blogging. My main frustrations this weekend have been spending all my money when I had the kids in tow (It ALWAYS works out that way when I take them out.) so as to be unable to take Logan out to eat on Father's Day (not that he's my father, but the kids seem to like him, so I guess I'll keep him around), and not being able to figure out how to hook up my DVD player and the satellite box at the same time.
Eric and I may hit the Shamrock this week, perhaps Wednesday. I'm seriously looking forward to it since Logan took the weekend off, and I couldn't.
Last weekend, Logan, the kids, and I spent the weekend at Cedar Hill State Park. Logan went out in the boat, fishing, and caught only one small catfish. The kids and I went swimming and all caught sunburns, despite slathering gallons of SPF45 sunscreen on our bodies. I took off Saturday evening to go to Girls' Night Out at Shellie's, where we ate lots of good food, didn't drink much, and played Mystery Date. When I got back Sunday morning to the campsite, the kids were enjoying feeding apples to squirrels who left for a while but came back with friends. Funny how that happens. Logan has lost about 25 pounds since getting his little boat fixed up and on the water. Maybe I need to start rowing.
I'm trying to slowly change my life style by doing things such as cutting out Cokes, drinking more water, eating more raw fruits & vegetables, and walking during lunch, but today I broke down and had a Coke. I don't drink coffee, and sometimes I just need that caffeine kick.
Took a break and didn't get back to this until today. I'm starting to wonder just what the hell the point is to all this blogging. My main frustrations this weekend have been spending all my money when I had the kids in tow (It ALWAYS works out that way when I take them out.) so as to be unable to take Logan out to eat on Father's Day (not that he's my father, but the kids seem to like him, so I guess I'll keep him around), and not being able to figure out how to hook up my DVD player and the satellite box at the same time.
Eric and I may hit the Shamrock this week, perhaps Wednesday. I'm seriously looking forward to it since Logan took the weekend off, and I couldn't.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Madame Resident
At the family reunion this past weekend, I sorta volunteered to be the president of the Sitton Family Association since no one else seemed hip to do it again. Robbie has done it, what, 6 or 7 times? I was told all I have to do is write a couple of letters, one wrapping up the past family reunion, and one about a month before the next one giving details of the arrangements. I may have been lied to and there's more to the job, but I don't think it could be much more laborious than that.
I have a couple of ideas I want to put into action - a Yahoo! email forum, Sitton family t-shirts with perhaps a picture of Daddy Frank and Momma Jane on the front, and perhaps a Sitton family directory complete with addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, and most important to me, who hasn't seen most everyone in several years, pictures.
The family reunion was nice, if small (about 25 - 30 people showed up), so it pretty much began and ended Saturday. Sunday, I helped clean the hall we had rented for three days at the Best Western, and the kids swam in the cold pool. They tricked me Saturday, telling me the water was warm, so I got in for a few minutes, but quickly hopped out when they started splashing me. After we packed up and checked out, we made our way to Denton to Jessica's house in order to visit with Sue, who didn't make it to the reunion. Elaine's husband, the Swiss-born Jean-Marie, Jessica's husband, Miles, and Logan all took off in search of what Jean-Marie considered decent coffee, and we (me, Jessica, Elaine, TR, and Sue) all played cards well into the night. A good time was had by all. I'm glad I went to the reunion and then to Jessica's.
I'd forgotten that I really do like my cousins, and they seem to like me. Mommy always kept us home, as she believed the Sittons didn't like her. As a result, I grew up not knowing my cousins very well. I've decided I'm not going to be the reason my kids don't know their cousins. I'm going to make an effort every year to at least go to Cisco for the reunion, if not other holidays. Of course, this means I need to make an effort to get up to Wise County as well for Graveyard Working each April. The kids need to know their Bridges relatives, too. Now if only Logan and his brothers could resolve their differences. They have several first cousins from that bunch. I guess I shouldn't forget Lindsay in Virginia, either. I need to get in touch with her. I haven't seen her since she was four years old, and now she's, what, 20?
Logan took the kids to Eagle Mountain Lake today. I don't know if they've gone fishing or swimming or both. Logan seemed uninclined to talk on the phone a while ago, so I don't have the details. I wish I was out on the water. Jeanine went in for her hysterectomy today, a couple of weeks early, so I get to enter the invoices rather than do my job. She's going to be out 4 - 6 weeks. Let's see, Mary was out 2 weeks, then Jeanine was out a week, back one week, then will be out 4 - 6 weeks. It'll be September before I get caught up on my work. We're trying to get a temp, and I'll get to train him/her, but for now, the majority of the load falls on me. Oh, well - job security.
I have a couple of ideas I want to put into action - a Yahoo! email forum, Sitton family t-shirts with perhaps a picture of Daddy Frank and Momma Jane on the front, and perhaps a Sitton family directory complete with addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, and most important to me, who hasn't seen most everyone in several years, pictures.
The family reunion was nice, if small (about 25 - 30 people showed up), so it pretty much began and ended Saturday. Sunday, I helped clean the hall we had rented for three days at the Best Western, and the kids swam in the cold pool. They tricked me Saturday, telling me the water was warm, so I got in for a few minutes, but quickly hopped out when they started splashing me. After we packed up and checked out, we made our way to Denton to Jessica's house in order to visit with Sue, who didn't make it to the reunion. Elaine's husband, the Swiss-born Jean-Marie, Jessica's husband, Miles, and Logan all took off in search of what Jean-Marie considered decent coffee, and we (me, Jessica, Elaine, TR, and Sue) all played cards well into the night. A good time was had by all. I'm glad I went to the reunion and then to Jessica's.
I'd forgotten that I really do like my cousins, and they seem to like me. Mommy always kept us home, as she believed the Sittons didn't like her. As a result, I grew up not knowing my cousins very well. I've decided I'm not going to be the reason my kids don't know their cousins. I'm going to make an effort every year to at least go to Cisco for the reunion, if not other holidays. Of course, this means I need to make an effort to get up to Wise County as well for Graveyard Working each April. The kids need to know their Bridges relatives, too. Now if only Logan and his brothers could resolve their differences. They have several first cousins from that bunch. I guess I shouldn't forget Lindsay in Virginia, either. I need to get in touch with her. I haven't seen her since she was four years old, and now she's, what, 20?
Logan took the kids to Eagle Mountain Lake today. I don't know if they've gone fishing or swimming or both. Logan seemed uninclined to talk on the phone a while ago, so I don't have the details. I wish I was out on the water. Jeanine went in for her hysterectomy today, a couple of weeks early, so I get to enter the invoices rather than do my job. She's going to be out 4 - 6 weeks. Let's see, Mary was out 2 weeks, then Jeanine was out a week, back one week, then will be out 4 - 6 weeks. It'll be September before I get caught up on my work. We're trying to get a temp, and I'll get to train him/her, but for now, the majority of the load falls on me. Oh, well - job security.
Friday, May 27, 2005
a brief brief
busybusybusy
The kids, for the most part, have hogged the computer at home all week, and aside from that, I've just been busy.
The wedding of my oldest niece Saturday was fun. Danced, ate barbeque, sat and drank with Beth. Grace was absolutely lovely, and surprised me by wearing a gorgeous -fake- diamond & citrine ring she got from a sidewalk vendor in New York for $3! Brighid caught the bouquet, and I made a joke of trying to get her to give it to Beth, her older sister. A good time was had by all, and no doubt Allison & Trey are enjoying St. Lucia where they went for their honeymoon.
Stayed busy all week, trying to clean house, get stuff done in anticipation of our trip tomorrow to Cisco for the Sitton Family Reunion.
Took Brighid to see the doctor today to get a referral to the Child Study Center for treatment for Asperger's Syndrome. Dr. Levine put Brighid on Strattera, which we'll try for a month, then reassess, and also got a prescription for an acne medication, which I forget the name of just now.
I'd write more, but it would interfere with my enjoyment of my lunch break and IMing Susan about knitting, so I'll have to catch up later.
The kids, for the most part, have hogged the computer at home all week, and aside from that, I've just been busy.
The wedding of my oldest niece Saturday was fun. Danced, ate barbeque, sat and drank with Beth. Grace was absolutely lovely, and surprised me by wearing a gorgeous -fake- diamond & citrine ring she got from a sidewalk vendor in New York for $3! Brighid caught the bouquet, and I made a joke of trying to get her to give it to Beth, her older sister. A good time was had by all, and no doubt Allison & Trey are enjoying St. Lucia where they went for their honeymoon.
Stayed busy all week, trying to clean house, get stuff done in anticipation of our trip tomorrow to Cisco for the Sitton Family Reunion.
Took Brighid to see the doctor today to get a referral to the Child Study Center for treatment for Asperger's Syndrome. Dr. Levine put Brighid on Strattera, which we'll try for a month, then reassess, and also got a prescription for an acne medication, which I forget the name of just now.
I'd write more, but it would interfere with my enjoyment of my lunch break and IMing Susan about knitting, so I'll have to catch up later.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
I just had to share this
fizziecoffee: www.shirleyqliquor.com
fizziecoffee: check out some new betty butterfield
fizziecoffee: and it's a whole new site.
lymadelina: I'll look at it at lunchtime
fizziecoffee: okay, ms. important person
lymadelina: I've got a two inch stack of invoices to put into the system
lymadelina: some of them are mom & pop type places
lymadelina: and a few will be paid by state checks, which can take up to a month to be cut
fizziecoffee: poor moms and pops
lymadelina: the state holds them to check and see if the business owner owes any state taxes, franchise fees, child support, etc
lymadelina: if they do, they apply the check to the outstanding balance
fizziecoffee: are you shittin me. that's AWESOME
lymadelina: nope
lymadelina: da troof
lymadelina: don't you wish you had that kind of power??
fizziecoffee: I also find it cunningly shitty, but for child support, no doubt
fizziecoffee: No, what I wish, is to be the omnipotent ruler of the universe
lymadelina: let's see... you owe me $25 for your share of the drugs I bought the other night
fizziecoffee: omg
fizziecoffee: lol
lymadelina: and I paid for the snacks and beer
lymadelina: so I'm taking $50 from your next paycheck
lymadelina: LOL
fizziecoffee: uh, yeah, your crack balance is overdue
lymadelina: wah!
lymadelina: then there's the dry cleaning bill for my shirt you wore and puked on
fizziecoffee: what's that? you need money for groceries? Okay, you can keep $1.25 for a can of pork and beans from the 7-11, but you'll have to make that stretch for a few days
fizziecoffee: omg, no, puking on my clothes is life imprisonment
fizziecoffee: or indentured servitude
lymadelina: hee hee
fizziecoffee: how's your gumline today?
lymadelina: slightly less holy
lymadelina: or holey
lymadelina: or wholly
lymadelina: or wooly
fizziecoffee: eeeuuuwww
lymadelina: still a tiny bit tender
lymadelina: still have to clean it with a qtip
fizziecoffee: I think there is a disease by that name
lymadelina: lol
fizziecoffee: wooly gums
fizziecoffee: or is that black hairy tongue? i can't remember
lymadelina: hahaha
lymadelina: slowly healing
fizziecoffee: unpleasantness
lymadelina: well, it was unpleasant having pain in that tooth everytime I ate something sweet, cold, or hot
lymadelina: so I guess it was good to get the tooth out since it couldn't be salvaged
lymadelina: well, it might could have, but would have cost a whole lot more
lymadelina: but looking at the tooth, the decay was pretty invasive
lymadelina: I don't see how it could have been a stable base for a crown
fizziecoffee: nah, better to just get a bridge or dentures
lymadelina: they would have had to have done a root canal and put a pin in to hold the crown
fizziecoffee: the screw-in kind
fizziecoffee: yeah, that's what I mean
lymadelina: well, it's the very back tooth on the right side, so it doesn't need a bridge
lymadelina: just learn to live without it
lymadelina: now if it was between two teeth, yeah
lymadelina: or I'd look like ma kettle
lymadelina: LOL
lymadelina: spit watermelon seeds through it
lymadelina: the gap, I mean
lymadelina: or chew tobacco
lymadelina: and spit through the gap
lymadelina: hahaha
fizziecoffee: hahahaha. hillbilly style
lymadelina: oh, now there's an idea: hillbilly barbie
fizziecoffee: it's been done. lol
fizziecoffee: I think if you google that, you'll find plenty
lymadelina: aw, man!
lymadelina: a day late & a dollar short
fizziecoffee: well okay
lymadelina: can't find a website with a hillbilly barbie
fizziecoffee: not through google?
lymadelina: nope
lymadelina: this is good, though: http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Odd%20Pics%202/BikerKen.html
fizziecoffee: okay, well, I'm sure there has at least got to be be a redneck barbie
fizziecoffee: that is SO damned funny...and frightening
lymadelina: http://www.chillibomb.com/barbie/pages/goth-barbie_jpg.htm
lymadelina: http://www.chillibomb.com/barbie/ omg, Gangsta Bitch Barbie
lymadelina: I love it
lymadelina: http://www.chillibomb.com/barbie/pages/trans-barbie_jpg.htm
lymadelina: the best
lymadelina: http://www.compfused.com/directlink/29/
lymadelina: http://funnies.paco.to/barbies.html sadly, no pics
fizziecoffee: those are great. See, i figured there were plenty out there
fizziecoffee: too funny
fizziecoffee: trash talker dolls
fizziecoffee: lol
fizziecoffee: go to werewolf barbies' daughter's father's website. Funny geek. Note baby in oven photo. Gotta love it. hahahahaahhah
fizziecoffee: http://www.swcp.com/~mccurley/humor/pictures.html
lymadelina: I'd invite him to a party.
fizziecoffee: uh huh. His pet cow, Blanche
fizziecoffee: lol
fizziecoffee: check out some new betty butterfield
fizziecoffee: and it's a whole new site.
lymadelina: I'll look at it at lunchtime
fizziecoffee: okay, ms. important person
lymadelina: I've got a two inch stack of invoices to put into the system
lymadelina: some of them are mom & pop type places
lymadelina: and a few will be paid by state checks, which can take up to a month to be cut
fizziecoffee: poor moms and pops
lymadelina: the state holds them to check and see if the business owner owes any state taxes, franchise fees, child support, etc
lymadelina: if they do, they apply the check to the outstanding balance
fizziecoffee: are you shittin me. that's AWESOME
lymadelina: nope
lymadelina: da troof
lymadelina: don't you wish you had that kind of power??
fizziecoffee: I also find it cunningly shitty, but for child support, no doubt
fizziecoffee: No, what I wish, is to be the omnipotent ruler of the universe
lymadelina: let's see... you owe me $25 for your share of the drugs I bought the other night
fizziecoffee: omg
fizziecoffee: lol
lymadelina: and I paid for the snacks and beer
lymadelina: so I'm taking $50 from your next paycheck
lymadelina: LOL
fizziecoffee: uh, yeah, your crack balance is overdue
lymadelina: wah!
lymadelina: then there's the dry cleaning bill for my shirt you wore and puked on
fizziecoffee: what's that? you need money for groceries? Okay, you can keep $1.25 for a can of pork and beans from the 7-11, but you'll have to make that stretch for a few days
fizziecoffee: omg, no, puking on my clothes is life imprisonment
fizziecoffee: or indentured servitude
lymadelina: hee hee
fizziecoffee: how's your gumline today?
lymadelina: slightly less holy
lymadelina: or holey
lymadelina: or wholly
lymadelina: or wooly
fizziecoffee: eeeuuuwww
lymadelina: still a tiny bit tender
lymadelina: still have to clean it with a qtip
fizziecoffee: I think there is a disease by that name
lymadelina: lol
fizziecoffee: wooly gums
fizziecoffee: or is that black hairy tongue? i can't remember
lymadelina: hahaha
lymadelina: slowly healing
fizziecoffee: unpleasantness
lymadelina: well, it was unpleasant having pain in that tooth everytime I ate something sweet, cold, or hot
lymadelina: so I guess it was good to get the tooth out since it couldn't be salvaged
lymadelina: well, it might could have, but would have cost a whole lot more
lymadelina: but looking at the tooth, the decay was pretty invasive
lymadelina: I don't see how it could have been a stable base for a crown
fizziecoffee: nah, better to just get a bridge or dentures
lymadelina: they would have had to have done a root canal and put a pin in to hold the crown
fizziecoffee: the screw-in kind
fizziecoffee: yeah, that's what I mean
lymadelina: well, it's the very back tooth on the right side, so it doesn't need a bridge
lymadelina: just learn to live without it
lymadelina: now if it was between two teeth, yeah
lymadelina: or I'd look like ma kettle
lymadelina: LOL
lymadelina: spit watermelon seeds through it
lymadelina: the gap, I mean
lymadelina: or chew tobacco
lymadelina: and spit through the gap
lymadelina: hahaha
fizziecoffee: hahahaha. hillbilly style
lymadelina: oh, now there's an idea: hillbilly barbie
fizziecoffee: it's been done. lol
fizziecoffee: I think if you google that, you'll find plenty
lymadelina: aw, man!
lymadelina: a day late & a dollar short
fizziecoffee: well okay
lymadelina: can't find a website with a hillbilly barbie
fizziecoffee: not through google?
lymadelina: nope
lymadelina: this is good, though: http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Odd%20Pics%202/BikerKen.html
fizziecoffee: okay, well, I'm sure there has at least got to be be a redneck barbie
fizziecoffee: that is SO damned funny...and frightening
lymadelina: http://www.chillibomb.com/barbie/pages/goth-barbie_jpg.htm
lymadelina: http://www.chillibomb.com/barbie/ omg, Gangsta Bitch Barbie
lymadelina: I love it
lymadelina: http://www.chillibomb.com/barbie/pages/trans-barbie_jpg.htm
lymadelina: the best
lymadelina: http://www.compfused.com/directlink/29/
lymadelina: http://funnies.paco.to/barbies.html sadly, no pics
fizziecoffee: those are great. See, i figured there were plenty out there
fizziecoffee: too funny
fizziecoffee: trash talker dolls
fizziecoffee: lol
fizziecoffee: go to werewolf barbies' daughter's father's website. Funny geek. Note baby in oven photo. Gotta love it. hahahahaahhah
fizziecoffee: http://www.swcp.com/~mccurley/humor/pictures.html
lymadelina: I'd invite him to a party.
fizziecoffee: uh huh. His pet cow, Blanche
fizziecoffee: lol
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
$43 and still a hole in my head
It's been a week since I've written. Odd to think about the passing of time, how fluid it seems. When things are hectic, even just busy, time seems to slip away in the blinking of an eye. When relaxed and not pressed to accomplish anything, time seems to stand still. I was reading the newspaper (the "Startle-Gram") Sunday, and found myself surprised that I finished the whole thing, including perusing the advertising flyers, in about twenty minutes. Of course, I didn't read the sports, classifieds, new car or new home sections, only glanced at the Op Ed page, skimmed the political stuff (if you don't have your mind made up by the time you're 40, you're not likely to ever do so, so why bother?), and read only the Obits off the Metro page -- hell, why did I bother opening the damned thing?
In any case, other than having to pick food debris from the hole in my head caused by the tooth extraction, I've had no real excitement this past week. Which is good. Like I just told Eric via IM, it means no fires, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, riots, insurrections, or ugly clothes in sight.
I took the immediate family to eat last night at Chef Chen's (Logan calls it Uncle Ho's for amusement purposes), which serves what Eric and I call American Chinese food (buffet, but this one is good with sushi, shrimp, and raw oysters). Weyland tried and actually like the sushi. Brighid, who is the big fan of all things Asian, balked, and settled for barbequed chicken on skewers and egg rolls, the two buffet items probably least like real Chinese food. On the drive to the restaurant, we were trying to decide where to eat. Brighid said, "we could eat Chinese", to which Logan replied, "but it's so hard to make them stay in the wok". LOL
I got paid yesterday, and after paying all my bills and setting aside the $120.00 we're going to need for the hotel room in Cisco May 28th & 29th (Sitton Family Reunion), I'm broke again. It's depressing, really. Well, at least all the bills are paid for this month. Eric wanted me to take a trip to Las Vegas with him this month, but even if I wasn't going to Cisco, I couldn't afford it. I doubt I could get a plane ticket and a hotel room for $120.00 in Vegas. Besides, the Vegas trip is supposed to be the gang - me, Herbie, Heather, Shellie, and Susan. It's what we've talked about for a while. Susan has been to Vegas several times, and knows her way around. I have to know well in advance when we're going so I can save up for it. I just can't be more spontaneous than say, $43.00 worth of American Chinese food at a time, at least when it comes to money. Sex, on the other hand, is altogether another issue.
I've been enjoying reading Susan's friend Deawn's blog. Make your way there: http://www.deawn.blogspot.com
In any case, other than having to pick food debris from the hole in my head caused by the tooth extraction, I've had no real excitement this past week. Which is good. Like I just told Eric via IM, it means no fires, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, riots, insurrections, or ugly clothes in sight.
I took the immediate family to eat last night at Chef Chen's (Logan calls it Uncle Ho's for amusement purposes), which serves what Eric and I call American Chinese food (buffet, but this one is good with sushi, shrimp, and raw oysters). Weyland tried and actually like the sushi. Brighid, who is the big fan of all things Asian, balked, and settled for barbequed chicken on skewers and egg rolls, the two buffet items probably least like real Chinese food. On the drive to the restaurant, we were trying to decide where to eat. Brighid said, "we could eat Chinese", to which Logan replied, "but it's so hard to make them stay in the wok". LOL
I got paid yesterday, and after paying all my bills and setting aside the $120.00 we're going to need for the hotel room in Cisco May 28th & 29th (Sitton Family Reunion), I'm broke again. It's depressing, really. Well, at least all the bills are paid for this month. Eric wanted me to take a trip to Las Vegas with him this month, but even if I wasn't going to Cisco, I couldn't afford it. I doubt I could get a plane ticket and a hotel room for $120.00 in Vegas. Besides, the Vegas trip is supposed to be the gang - me, Herbie, Heather, Shellie, and Susan. It's what we've talked about for a while. Susan has been to Vegas several times, and knows her way around. I have to know well in advance when we're going so I can save up for it. I just can't be more spontaneous than say, $43.00 worth of American Chinese food at a time, at least when it comes to money. Sex, on the other hand, is altogether another issue.
I've been enjoying reading Susan's friend Deawn's blog. Make your way there: http://www.deawn.blogspot.com
Monday, May 09, 2005
Another Hole in My Head
Today, I had a tooth pulled. It was a second molar, so I guess I'll be chewing on the left side of my mouth for the most part. I could have gone back to work, but instead, I opted to come home, eat some broth, and take the Vicodin prescribed in case of pain. I'd rather head it off at the pass. When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, my face swelled up like a chipmunk, so I'd rather be safe than sorry. Besides, a nap sounds good about now. The kids will be home in about an hour and 15 minutes, so I need my rest now if I'm going to crack the whip and make them pick up their rooms before they're allowed to watch cartoons, play on the computer, & other fun things. Mean Mommy Mode!!
Beth graduated on Saturday, and we made the almost three hour drive to Abilene. From there, we drove to Stamford so the kids could see where Logan was born. He told them, "when I tell you it's a thorny burned-out patch of nothin', now you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. If it doesn't have thorns, it bites, if it doesn't bite, it blisters in the summer sun and freezes in the winter wind, since there ain't nothin' between Stamford and the North Pole but a barbed wire (say bob wahr) fence."
Our journey continued from Stamford on up to Olney, where we roused an ailing Judy (Logan's 1st cousin) from bed, visted about two hours, then drove back to Fort Worth. Our perigrination took, oh, EIGHT DAMNED HOURS, or thereabouts. When we got home, my ankles were swollen from the blood being unable to go back up my legs from my feet. I spent the few remaining hours of the day in bed with my feet propped up on pillows.
For mother's day, Logan and the kids took me to eat at Golden Corral. It was decent, if somewhat bland foot. The fried fish (possibly cod, but probably white fish) was actually good. Afterwards, they took me to see Kingdom of Heaven which was very good. Especially nice was the detail given to the armor. Orlando Bloom isn't bad to look at, either.
Since Brighid had her final three cavities filled last week, and I had my tooth pulled today, the Payflex account is practically drained. I'm not sure if I'll have the money for contacts next week. But I've already paid for my new bifocals, so at least I'll still be able to see, even if I don't do away with the glasses just yet.
Not much else to report other than I've been feeling unusually chipper lately. My worrisome nature tells me the gods will anger soon, and something will come crashing down, just leave it to Hera. Yet I can still hope the good mood continues.
That's all for now.
Beth graduated on Saturday, and we made the almost three hour drive to Abilene. From there, we drove to Stamford so the kids could see where Logan was born. He told them, "when I tell you it's a thorny burned-out patch of nothin', now you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. If it doesn't have thorns, it bites, if it doesn't bite, it blisters in the summer sun and freezes in the winter wind, since there ain't nothin' between Stamford and the North Pole but a barbed wire (say bob wahr) fence."
Our journey continued from Stamford on up to Olney, where we roused an ailing Judy (Logan's 1st cousin) from bed, visted about two hours, then drove back to Fort Worth. Our perigrination took, oh, EIGHT DAMNED HOURS, or thereabouts. When we got home, my ankles were swollen from the blood being unable to go back up my legs from my feet. I spent the few remaining hours of the day in bed with my feet propped up on pillows.
For mother's day, Logan and the kids took me to eat at Golden Corral. It was decent, if somewhat bland foot. The fried fish (possibly cod, but probably white fish) was actually good. Afterwards, they took me to see Kingdom of Heaven which was very good. Especially nice was the detail given to the armor. Orlando Bloom isn't bad to look at, either.
Since Brighid had her final three cavities filled last week, and I had my tooth pulled today, the Payflex account is practically drained. I'm not sure if I'll have the money for contacts next week. But I've already paid for my new bifocals, so at least I'll still be able to see, even if I don't do away with the glasses just yet.
Not much else to report other than I've been feeling unusually chipper lately. My worrisome nature tells me the gods will anger soon, and something will come crashing down, just leave it to Hera. Yet I can still hope the good mood continues.
That's all for now.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Coochie Coo
I saw the crotch doctor yesterday. I'm gonna have to have surgery. First, I have a Urinary Distention Study on May 31st (the soonest I could get it scheduled), then when Dr. Jeffrey Hantes, D.O., decides how much of a problem I have, he'll set up the surgery date, probably in June. The earlier, the better, if you ask me.
He recommended a "sling" operation to fix the Urinary Stress Incontinence, which is where he takes either a synthetic strap or a piece of muscle harvested from my abdomen, and tacks the bladder up to the back wall, either through the abdomen or the vagina (less visible scarring).
The second part of the operation will be to fix what four natural childbirths have done to my body: a cystocele, a rectocele, and a vaginal hernia. Any further discussion on this topic will quickly enter the "icky" realm, so I'll refer you to a website if you care to read more about the subject. http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/408887?src=search
All I can say is that I will certainly be glad to have my problem fixed, even if it means a 2 - 3 day stay in the hospital.
He recommended a "sling" operation to fix the Urinary Stress Incontinence, which is where he takes either a synthetic strap or a piece of muscle harvested from my abdomen, and tacks the bladder up to the back wall, either through the abdomen or the vagina (less visible scarring).
The second part of the operation will be to fix what four natural childbirths have done to my body: a cystocele, a rectocele, and a vaginal hernia. Any further discussion on this topic will quickly enter the "icky" realm, so I'll refer you to a website if you care to read more about the subject. http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/408887?src=search
All I can say is that I will certainly be glad to have my problem fixed, even if it means a 2 - 3 day stay in the hospital.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
I Wanna Go Home
In some ways, it's bad knowing that as of May 1st, I can now take vacation, since I'm off probationary status here at work. I's an o-ffishul state employee! So of course, today I want to go home. I took a Flexaril last night when my shoulder pain resurfaced. This time, there was no neck or jaw pain. Logan thinks I may have bursitis. If so, I must have caught it from him, as I haven't done anything strenuous since Weyland was born. Today, I overslept, barely made it to work on time, and feel groggy. Two Cokes and Taco Bell for lunch later, I feel sluggish, apathetic, and still tired. Wah! I want to go home.
Tomorrow, I go to the OB/Gyn who's a specialist in Stress Incontinence. I hope I don't have to do the "Q-Tip" test: http://www.mybladdermd.com/URPS.htm (scroll down 1/3 of the way). This doesn't sound fun. But if I have to in order to get my most annoying problem repaired, so be it. News at 11 tomorrow night.
Tomorrow, I go to the OB/Gyn who's a specialist in Stress Incontinence. I hope I don't have to do the "Q-Tip" test: http://www.mybladdermd.com/URPS.htm (scroll down 1/3 of the way). This doesn't sound fun. But if I have to in order to get my most annoying problem repaired, so be it. News at 11 tomorrow night.
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