I now know why Mommy never read fairy tales to us. Prince Charming isn't real. He's a fat, bald guy with degenerative arthritis who snores.
Pappy used to read the Brothers Grimm, which I like better than the Disney spin on things. The stories always have a moral of a sort, and in a way, they don't really seem like they're for children. I love the Frog Prince best, where the Princess promises to take him home and be his friend if he retrieves her golden ball out of the well. She lies, and runs off, only to find him at her door the following evening. The King makes her fulfill her promise.
Everything may turn out okay in the end, but you have to kiss a frog first, right?
Well, I want my Prince Charming, riding on a shining white stallion, to come rescue me. I've had it with this crap. The funk is so blue around here, the ice in my cup looks like a coconut snowcone.
Calgon's a lie, there is no Prince Charming, and even "the one that got away", Tom Urquhart IV, is now fat and bald, and his wife is expecting. No, Dorothy, you can't go home. You're stuck here in Emerald City, only it's just weird, there are no viable guys your size, and the green dye gets on everything.
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