Money Envy

I'm out of touch with the universe. Eric called earlier to say he was thinking about staying in the DFWMetromess for a while, rather than hiling back to San Diego soon because he can make money here. He went house browsing. I don't think he's exactly in a position to buy a house just yet, but I'm not his financial advisor, so wtf do I know? I do remember him saying something about not having a credit card he could use to run a tab, which is why I offered mine the other night. Whether he doesn't have one available because it's maxed, or his time spent nearly jobless in SD caused him to have account(s) closed, I don't know. It's really none of my business. He was looking at a house in Sara's neighborhood, Lantana, Texas, which is near Flower Mound. He opined as that a house payment in that area would be $3000 a month. HOLY CRAP!! He mentioned Sara's monthly neighborhood association fees are $300 a month. Mein Gott in himmel!! Okay, sue me. I don't speak, write, or read German. Why would someone pay good money for a neighborhood association? So one can voluntarily live near the neatness nuts and busybodies??

I'm obviously out of touch with the universe. I'd have to be a freaking multimillionaire to buy a house that cost that much. That, or I'm cheap. And I definitely couldn't afford it. I make $1500 a month, before taxes, insurance, & assorted deductions. My bi-monthly paycheck is closer to $600. I guess it's a damned good thing that our house is paid for and that I have Logan to pay the utilities and buy the food. I'm busy paying off my credit cards and stuffing money in my retirement fund. I definitely need to finish my degree before I can live like the rest of the "real" world.

Last night, my real world friends and I took Susan to dinner for her birthday, which was back on the 9th. I can't believe I spent $25 for my own entree. I'm going to be broke for the rest of the month, considering the fact that I chipped in $50 to cover my dinner, one drink, and my portion of the appetizer and Susan's meal. I was happy to be with them, but in a way, it always makes me depressed. How do people afford to live the way they do?

We got to Herbie's house, and I was happily telling them Logan gave me a dozen red roses for Valentines, which I know cost him all of $25, including the lovely red vase. Dave sent Herbie a bouquet which probably cost $50 - $75, AND he bought her a pair of 1/2 carat diamond earrings, which (to my way of thinking, at least), she sort of groused about, since they weren't full carats. Oh, to live in that world.

My friends all have new cars, new houses, all the latest toys (PDAs, iPods, new cell phones that take pictures, etc., ad infinitum). Why am I both jealous and repulsed by the conspicuous consummerism? I want to feel like I belong, I guess, and I am appalled by how much everything costs.

I guess I'm just tired of working and feeling like I'm getting nowhere fast. I love my new job, for what it is, but it's still not what I want to do when I grow up. I want to be able to stay home and write, and I don't know how to get to that point. I'm thinking myself into a blue funk, so I should stop now. Besides, it's way past bedtime on a school night, and I'm sure the kids are still up, despite the fact that they are being quiet. I should know, that's a warning sign. So I'll go put them to bed, and then myself, and hope I can dream myself into a better mood.