Spare the rod; just be honest.

I was raised in the late 60's and the 70's by very liberal parents who, I suppose, used an experimental method of discipline. That is to say, almost none at all. I was given very few rules, had no curfew, and few consequences for what most would consider misbehavior. The one concept I recall learning that has stuck with me is that lying is not only wrong, it is unfair. People make their decisions based upon what information they have at the time they make the decision, and if they are basing their decision on a lie, then the person who lied is the one who erred, not the person who ended up making a bad decision.

Learning how to behave is difficult enough, but even more so when one doesn't start to learn until, say, 25 years old.

But what always impressed upon me the most was my parents' disapproval. I was rarely spanked as a child, and I remember it only inspired anger and rebellion. But to see my mother cry over my bad behavior or to hear my father cluck his tongue and shake his head in disbelief, this caused me great regret and woe. So it is probably no suprise that I don't hold much faith in corporal punishment. I feel it is usually done in anger, and I don't like to let a child have that much control over my actions. I feel it rarely improves a child's behavior, and often makes it worse. I use it only in rare instances.

The father of my two youngest children has just the opposite belief. Hearing him tell tales of his childhood, I often wonder if this is because he was often spanked. He seems to spank the children over the smallest infraction. He is easily provoked by them, and would probably have lower blood pressure if he would realize they are children, not small adults.

But then again, I grew up with few rules, so what do I know?

What I believe is that while certain niceties help society to function (such as saying "please" and "thank you", for example), what really matters is being honest. My mother had a rule that if we kids did something wrong, and were asked about it, if we told the truth, all we had to do was make amends (which is sometimes the worst punishment of all). If we lied, and the lie was discovered, we got in trouble not only for the misdeed, but also for the lie.

If I comport myself in a fair and honest manner, then in my heart, I feel my behavior is irreproachable, even if my decisions turn out less than perfect. Having good judgement can sometimes be a gift, I suppose, but it usually comes by trial and error over time. I've learned (the hard way, of course), that it is sometimes easier to lie, but it is harder to keep up with the lies than it is to just tell the truth in the first place.

Well, I'm probably preaching to the choir, and I don't really feel like I'm getting anywhere with this discussion. It might be more interesting and serve the topic better to discuss actual examples, but I'm all out of time for now.

More later.